Warning: The makeover is at the end of this post. If you're just here for pics then you can skip to the end. ;)
MY STORY:
I'm a pretty private person. I don't share a whole lot about myself with very many people. I have walls and I have to trust you pretty well to let you breach them (and trust me when I say I am standing at the top, in a fortified tower, with my AK47 in hand, guarding them!). I'm not really proud of this, and many times wish I wasn't this way, but I am.
BUT, I do believe we are here to help each other and sharing our experiences is one way we can do that. So, here goes nothin'.
I've had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom for the last 16 years. I know God knows me perfectly and knew this is what would be best for me. Just like any mom, I had ups and downs, and times I didn't know how in the world I could keep going for one more day. Looking back now I know there were times I suffered from mild/moderate depression and didn't recognize it (not that I would have done anything about it anyway), but life went on and so did I. I had a job, and that job was taking care of my house and my kids (I have three and they are truly, fantastically good kids). That was my purpose. That is what I did.
Three years ago my youngest started all day kindergarten and I was suddenly out of a day job--you know what I mean ;). I went into panic mode. What in the world was I going to do with myself? After agonizing and praying about how I was going to fill my day I finally decided to go back to school and finish my degree. I had enough credits, just not in the right classes, and I never finished because I left school to serve a mission for my church, came home and immediately got married, and then 10 months later had a baby!
I took classes for a year and, at first, it was ok. I was working towards something worthwhile, right? It was a good goal and I believe in getting a good education (I've always loved school and learning), so all should have been well. When it came time to enroll for classes for the fall semester again I was feeling very unsettled, but not knowing why I went ahead and did it. About the same time I accidentally happened upon a blog. I didn't even know what a blog was!
I spent hours looking through her blog and my heart was beating like a drum the whole time. When I finished looking at every piece she had worked her magic on, I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I just had to try it for myself. I was so inspired!
*Thank you from the depths of my heart, Sausha, for sharing your incredible talent and vision! I don't believe in coincidences and know you sharing your gifts set me on a different course.
It took me a few months to get started (we own our own business and our budget was very tight at the time), but by the time school started in the fall I was attempting my first piece. I fell in love! It was fulfilling, I discovered I was good at it, and it made me HaPpY. :)
The problem. School.
I was so stressed out with my classes, homework, trying to maintain my house and kids the way I was used to, my church calling (which was a big one at the time), AND doing furniture. It was proving to be a little too much for my little-too-small plate. Yep, I'm admitting it. My plate is not a serving platter! It's more like a pie plate or a saucer! Something had to give. I had to make the decision what. I cut out my kids...
JUST KIDDING--ok, really bad joke! :)
Of course, I wasn't going to cut out my kids ;), because I am a total and complete clean freak cutting out housework was not an option (oh, how I wish I had a laundry fairy!!), and I couldn't abandon the youth I was over at church. That left furniture or school. What helped me make the decision? I finally asked myself, "What makes me happy?" Why do we think it is a sin to ask ourselves what makes us happy and then follow our hearts? (As if we believe the things we should be doing are meant to be hard and make us miserable or they aren't worthwhile.) I'm not saying I didn't have mass amounts of guilt at first (it's just in my nature). But, I knew God's hand was in my finding Sausha's blog and the feelings I was having, so I decided to put my fear of being a "quitter" (of school) aside and go with what my gut was telling me.
Now, I should be able to say "And she painted happily ever after." right? If only it could be that easy!! :)
MY WORTH:
This is the hard part.
I grew up being taught (and I absolutely, unequivocally believe) that I am a daughter of God. I know, as His daughter, I am of infinite worth. I don't know how it is for you, but for me there are things I know with my head and things I know with my heart. Sadly, I have struggled my whole life with this concept of worth. It is something I know in my head, but have a harder time really internalizing and feeling it in my heart. Doing furniture has helped me feel more of my own worth. Does that make sense?
Do I think God cares how I redo a piece of furniture? No, not really (although Duck Egg has got to be one of His favorite colors, right??). Do I think God cares about me finding something that helps me develop my talents, thus helping me feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Yes!
The problem. Human nature.
When I first started painting I was so excited about everything--finding the perfect piece, picking out the color, the process, the final product, taking pictures, writing a blog post. I loved it all! Then, actually marketing myself and selling my things entered the picture.
Big fat raindrops on my happy parade!!
I was scared. I was so unsure of myself. I was concerned people wouldn't like what I did. There are so many talented ladies out there doing what I do and I was so afraid of being compared to them. See, there's just this thing about sharing something that you've created, that comes from your soul (and I truly feel like my painting does). It's hard to put it out there for others to criticize or critique. It feels so personal when they don't like it (and have the guts to tell you!).
Painting started to be about how many "followers" I had, or how many views I had, or how many likes I was getting on FB (that damn Facebook!), or how quickly I could sell a piece.
It stopped being about what makes me love what I am doing (the feel of sanding dust under my fingertips, the way the first stroke goes on, how color can become fluid and make you want to touch it), and became about what other people think about what I am doing.
So, it was time to stop, evaluate, and have a little conversation with myself.
Yep, I talk to myself. A lot. Out loud.
My worth is not defined by how creatively Suzy paints her buffet, or how much Jane is willing to pay for my absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful vanity ;) (that was a joke), or the fact that Ms Big Name Blogger has 40 gazillion likes on her FB page. My worth is not defined by how many pieces I can kick out in a week, or that it takes 9 months for a piece to sell at the consignment shop. My worth is not defined by how my house is decorated or if I can make a total piece of junk into something magazine worthy (there are some seriously gifted people out there!).
My worth is not defined by how well my kids do in sports, what grades they get, or if they can sing like an angel (Ania is out of tune, and although painful sometimes, I love that she does it with gusto!). My worth is not defined by what I drive, what I wear, which degree I have, how much money I make, how well I can organize a church/school activity, what most people say about or think of me, or what size jeans I can fit into.
I'm not saying none of these things are important or that they can't bring happiness or pride. I'm just saying they don't determine how valuable I am.
My worth IS defined by how I treat people, getting up after making the biggest mistake of my life, giving the benefit of the doubt, always seeking and extending forgiveness, appreciating what the Lord has given me,
and LOVING like God does.
I'm not perfect at these things. Heck, I'm not even good at them most of the time, but I am
trying.
We all have intrinsic value because our Father is God! And, just like we inherit attributes from our earthly parents we have inherited divine attributes from Him. It's our job to develop them, not to stunt our own growth through lack of confidence in ourselves and lack of faith that He can help us become more than what we are.
My promise to myself: I will not be preoccupied with my weaknesses, inadequacies, or insecurities, and will have faith in the Lord’s ability to use my weaknesses for my good.
In the words of Stuart Smalley:
"I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!"
Well, I'm not sure if they like me, but
I know God (and my amazing hubby) loves me
and that's enough for this girl!!
*stepping off soap box
Well, kudos to you if you made it this far!!! And, since you were so dedicated to read all my blather I will show you what I've been up to this week!! :)
This is a custom set for a little girl's room. I never get over the power of white paint. I love color. But, there is just something about a clean, pure white piece of furniture. It's classic and never gets old.
Before
bad, bad vinyl
After
Before (dresser in background)
After
The bleed through on this set was so stinking bad I had to give it multiple coats of everything. I told my mom it was like painting 4 bedroom sets! I think I will stay away from white for a while now. ;)
When I picked this fabric up I was thinking it might be a little wild, but when I paired with all that simple white and the pink knobs I loved it! It's so fun for a little girl!
The question I get asked the most is how I get my finish. I wish there were some secret (a magic wand perhaps?), but really it is all about sanding! The more you sand the better your finish. Go figure the best results come with more work! :) It doesn't matter if you brush, roll, or spray. Sanding is the only way to get it silky and super smooth!
I sanded, sanded, and sanded some more on this set. It was worth it!
Beeaauutiful! :)
I think this will be one she will enjoy for years to come!
I'm starting my weekend off with a project of my own. How about you?
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